The Message

Winter Break... my final winter break.. is just about over. As I head into the final semester of my senior year at UNH, I can't help but be retrospective about this journey as well as forward thinking in regards to the journey ahead. Unfortunately, when I think to and fro about the subject I get all fired up. So, as I move ahead with this post it's going to sound an awful lot like a rant. Perhaps it is, but trust me and bear with me when I tell you that there is a point and I hope to make it loud and clear.

Last semester I took Leadership Practicum within my major at UNH. As some of you might remember reading a few months ago, part of my project was to investigate this idea of "messaging." When I talk about messaging I think about it in the sense that... sometimes the words we say don't come out the way in which we intend them to. Our intent, or our message, is not delivered in a way which promotes what it is we're trying to say. Allow me to provide a few examples...

Recently I had a discussion with an important person in my life about some things that were said in the past and how they came across, and how they made me feel. "The message." When I first told them that I was going to hike the last 34 of the 48 Four-Thousand Footers I had to hike in NH between Memorial and Labors Days of one summer.. they told me, "Pretty ambitious. You're crazy for thinking you can do that. If you don't get hurt. Good Luck." It's hard to type these things because I can't afford you the opportunity to hear the sarcasm and cynicism that comes with the words. Yet I'll continue with more...

After finishing those four-thousand footers, I told them I had filmed video and was now making a documentary film about hiking said peaks. Not only that but I had rented a 200 seat auditorium for a public film premier, at the High School I was told I'd never graduate from and who also told me I'd never get a college degree. The message I got was, "I don't think renting an auditorium is a good idea. Who would want to come watch and/or pay for a DVD of your home movie? I think you should save yourself the potential embarrassment and call it off."

When I told them I was going to run 100 Miles, "You have a history of biting off more then you can chew. I don't think you can grasp the idea of how much hard work and determination this is going to take. Why not stick to the marathon?"

When I told them I got into and would be attending UNH and continuing my quest in running 100s and hiking, "I don't see how you're going to be able to attend and finish college as well as run these races."

The list goes on and on. However, Recently I'm beginning to finally have enough and am afraid that I am going to have to start cutting some informational cords in my life. (ie. Who I give information to). In December I told two very important people in my life that my psychiatrist is finally weening me off of my depression meds. That I had won the battle with depression and it was finally time to get off medication. Their responses were.. silence.. no excitement. Nothing. Stone cold bull shit. It really hurt me and I'm not sure they know how much it did.

So as I start to head into my final semester at UNH, I've informed them that I'm moving to Colorado upon graduation. "Ha! You need a job first." And then when I told them I had a job interview for my dream job with the dream company, "Just because you have the interview doesn't mean you've got the job."

When I think about Human Potential, I think about the ideals behind "You can do anything you put your mind to." These are words that my parents fed me when I was growing up. But then I started to think lately, "Did they mean it when they said it?" Or were they just feeding me that inspirational BS you feed a child to give them hope in something? Then I thought again.. that it didn't matter if they meant it or not or even how they meant it. What mattered was if I believed it or not. News flash.. I did believe it.. but it took me many many years to realize that. Why?

The messaging. You know.. I do get it. When people respond the way that they do, they're not doing it to be malicious or negative Nancys. They say and do it because they care, they're looking out for you, they're concerned. But that is not how the message comes across. I wish that people would take more time to think before they speak and ask themselves a few questions before they respond to the dreams and hopes of a loved one.

The Questions to Ask:
What are the intentions of my comment?
What is the purpose of my comment?
How can I best give the message without it being skewed by my emotion and personal opinion?

If people could ask themselves these questions, the ideals of Human Potential would become much easier for each of us to realize. To realize that we can do anything. We can realize this more readily because we'll have the unconditional positive support of our most important and respected cheer leaders. My journey through this life would have been a lot easier if I realized years ago that I believed I could do anything I put my mind to without the thought of disappointment or persecution from others. Instead, it's been one unnecessarily bumpy and painful ride, a ride where I'm driven by the desire to prove people wrong instead of the desire to achieve dreams.

So just like I hiked those 48 peaks that summer, then made a documentary film, sold out a theatre, sold 800 DVDs, hiked the 48 in Winter, ran 100 miles, ran across an entire state, graduated with an associates degree, got into UNH, got into the Athletic Training program.....  I'm graduating from UNH with my bachelors and then.. I'm moving to Colorado where I'll be working as a professional guide. Once again, prooving them wrong instead of achieving a dream.

(I want to be clear that when I say "they" above, I'm actually am not referring to one person but to a collection of people in my life.)