Wednesday, December 10, 2008

Weekend America

On November 29, 2008 I was featured on NPR's Weekend America. The short segment was a follow up piece to Sean Hurley's earlier piece that aired on New Hampshire Public Radio. You can read a copy of the story or take a listen by clicking HERE.

Part of the piece talks about why I run, or why I started embarking on such adventures. And here is what was said:
"When I ask directly, John doesn't talk about running. He tells me about his childhood. John's parents divorced when he was 12. His family drifted apart. His confusion and loneliness intensified and he soon found himself struggling against a powerful rage.

"For many years," he says, "I decided I was just going to take it and deal with it, and as the years went on it kind of got worse. I ostracized some of my family members and went away to college. I was pretty suicidal in college and ended up failing out.""

I can't help but think about the interview now. The interview was while I was running across New Hampshire. I remember thinking all morning about the questions I knew Sean was going to ask and I remember not being able to think of any answers.. until that is, he asked. And what I came out with surprised even me. I knew that day, that "for many years" is still happening. I'm still suffering from depression. I should have caught it then, done something about it then.. but I waited, and a month later I hit rock bottom. It just strikes me as odd, that I would ignore my own intuition. That I would ignore acknowledging that something was wrong.

Many people have sent me e-mails, commented or called about my openness on my blog. I've been asked a few times, Why would you put all of these thoughts up here? Why? I'll tell you why. Because I want to help. I want to help myself, but I also want to help YOU. "You" is out there. Someone else who is lost, unsure of what to do, going through the same daily torture that I am going through. They are afraid to get help, afraid to step up to their problems.. Well, I'm going to show that you CAN step up to your problems. You CAN take them on head on. Its like being in an ultra. It will almost always get better, just one foot in front of the other and sometimes... some times you can't do it alone. But one thing is for sure, you can't fake it. A lot of people have faith in me, but what is most important is that I have faith in myself. I gather my hope from various places, I garner faith, I am struggling, but fighting. "You" can and will too.

But in the mean time, the story played on Weekend America, yet the story is still just beginning. It never ends. A good friend told me, "While you cannot change the past, you can change the ending." Onward, upward, forward.