2001 as of the writing of this post to be exact. That's how many miles of managed to get in this year thus far. I'm kind of surprised actually, I thought I'd be much further along mileage wise considering how things were going at the beginning of the year. But as the year is slowly coming to a close, I'm beginning to realize that I may just barely run more miles this year than I did last. I guess thats not a bad thing. Why? Because once again I've managed to stay injury free, healthy and racing often. There are some tricks to this trade, and I think in this avenue I've figured it out. Moderation is key. You don't need to run crazy miles to be an ultra-runner. I know marathon runners who run more miles every week/month/year than I ever will. It's kind of ironic actually.
At any rate, I went out for an 8 mile run yesterday with my good buddy Steve. It was a good run with a mix of roads and trails. It was a brisk day here in New England as temps struggle to get near the upper 30's and a chilly breeze kept us from thawing out really. I know I even managed to get a little muddy and I sweat quite a bit. My pace is up and you'd think it feels good to run. I'm not sure if it's the depression or the chemical reactions from my medicines, but I'm not getting my usual runners high after running. I really just feel numb, like I didn't do anything. Almost jipped in a way. Come to think of it, I felt this way after my run Across NH. Regular visitors to my blog will remember me talking in the days and weeks after the RANH how I had yet to really wrap my head around what I accomplished, or how I felt or what I learned... and from what I've read, my depression has a lot to do with this.
But there is hope.. I went to the gym yesterday after my run and did day 2 of my circuit training. The workout is quick, but thorough. My quads and hip adductors are sore today. I'm sore to the touch, sore when I walk up or down stairs.. THIS IS A GOOD FEELING. I haven;t been sore from anything since October and I guess in a way, my masochistic nature is actually enjoying this. Perhaps I need to just run a little further when I go out?
I'm feeling a little better all around. I'm not obsessing as much as I was and the non-stop shaking and trembling has finally stopped. Thank god because it was driving me crazy. I'm still thinking quite a bit but when I do my thoughts are centered, clear and concise. I come to conclusions quickly and am able to make decisions. I am eating again and obviously running and working out again too. My sleep cycle sucks. I toss and turn all night and I wake up more tired in the morning then I was when I first went to sleep. I hope this changes because I'm BEAT! All in all, I know the medication is working, but I still have a long way to go. My first regular psychiatrist appointment is on Friday, and I can't wait to get there and get down to business. I'm a fighter, I have hope, my head is high. I know what I want in life, I know who I want to be and who I want to be with... I'm happy.. and I'm a fighter. So once again, I take me trusty sword and enter the tunnel to fight off my inner demons... the battle will be long but in the end, good will prosper.
"I have heard there are troubles of more than one kind. Some come from ahead and some come from behind. But I've bought a big bat. I'm all ready you see. Now my troubles are going to have troubles with me!" -Dr. Seuss